It shouldn’t be this hard.

Tears fall upon my pillows.

Evidence of a rejection I was unprepared for.

I read over the  sum of your letter.

My eyes land on the x.

The big X that marks where all hope ended.

I am loosing it.

Hope.

Faith.

Everything.

I just want it to end.

All of it.

If only death were simple.

I would welcome it with open arms.

Like a friend whose silent embrace I had missed.

I pick up my phone and look down at your picture.

I know I have to keep trying for you.

I will not surrender you over to a life or wondering why.

Still…..

The struggle to find what I gave away is so hard.

A consequence of loving myself enough to say no more.

A choice I do not regret that lead to a struggle I keep fighting.

And oh my.

I am so tired.

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One thought on “It shouldn’t be this hard.

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